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BY MOHAMUD SIAD TOGANE
togane@earthlink.net

Hosh: Brilliant! You remind me of my favorite Yankee president, LBJ who believed: (1) Everybody and his mother has a price however steep, however prohibitive, however exorbitant. Now Hosh, in the curious case of Caato, the supreme bastard, bugger, and SOB you have mentioned, I believe the TNG is being a tad too timid and generous. Let me negotiate with Caato for the TNG and watch me give him what he deserves by giving him the third degree! I bet you Caato will be jumping for joy when I tell him the good news that he won't be going to jail; that he won't be prosecuted for all the awful crimes, high and low, that he has been committing against the humanity and the dignity and the integrity of the Somali race; that he can keep all that he had looted from our Somali patrimony. He will be so happy, so relieved, that he will forget to ask for filthy lucre, American or otherwise! LBJ also believed: (2) Everybody and his mother have a breaking point! The TNG cannot break anybody just yet since it has neither teeth nor muscle unless you consider the Cayr marauding Moriyaan, the terrorists, the torturers, the tormentors and the killers of the innocent, the elderly and the children, and their mothers to be the national armed forces of Somalia ala our obtuse Alasow soi-disant savant and lawyer of human rights and mores! By the way LBJ finally came a cropper and conked out of broken heart when he encountered his comeuppance: someone who was so principled that he couldn't be bought and so brave that he couldn't be broken even though LBJ bombed his country, Vietnam, all the way back to the stone age: I am referring, of course, to the late Hero of all freedom-loving people all over the world: Uncle HO CHEE-MEEN! I believe Shatigadood is our Uncle HO: he cannot be bought nor can he be broken by the TNG! Ask Aideed and his Habarkintir! They will tell you what a tough cookie and customer he is! Uncle Hosh:

You and I--especially you and most of the Israaca have gone out on a limb for the TNG and our beloved TNG is busy day and night sawing off that precarious and precious limb so much so that I am afraid one of these days all of us will fall flat on our big fat fannies and the Moses and other naysayers in our midst ( especially Mohamood Musse and Musse Guled) will laugh us out of court with the parting shot of: WE TOLD YOU SO, YOU DUMMKOPFS WHO DON'T KNOW WHO CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHUMPS, CHIMPS, AND CHAMPIONS! WHO DON'T KNOW WHO CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GORILLAS AND GUERRILLAS! Hosh, honestly, TNG seems busy everyday shooting themselves in the foot: this TNG must really be the original gang that can't shoot straight! That will never learn to shoot straight! Hosh, let us, you and I go over there and set them straight by telling them how dumb and how embarrassing they are to the rest of the world; by telling them how impossible they are making it for all of their friends and well wishers to ignore and explain away their gaffs, their goofs, their howlers, their ineptness, their self-inflicted wounds! They seem to be their worst enemies! Forget Mohamuud Musse and Muse Guled! Hosh: Is it too late for you and me to embrace the position of AHMED ISSE AWAD which is: ABOVE ALL, stay above the fray, don't RISK LOSING YOUR CREDIBILITY AND AMORE-PROPRE BY creeping or crawling into any narrow political tent however tempting so that later on you can piss in peace with impunity and with confidence and with authority on any of them whenever their innate ugly nature calls for it! Remember: Ahmed is not a political novice, an amateur, naif and a tyro like Togane. He is a pro and a political scientist, a Macavity Majertayn, and was present in Arta at the creation of what might yet turn out to be a turkey and a mare's nest and the biggest albatross around our own necks! In fact, Ahmed was one of the architects of the TNG! Remember, the beginning of the end for Afwayne was when the Macavity Majertayn like Ahmed Isse voted with their feet and FLED to Ethiopia! Remember where the Majertayn head goes, the Somali ass follows WITHOUT A QUESTION! Remember where the Majertayn head heads, the Somali behind cannot be far behind! Now that mighty Majertayns like Ahmed are keeping their distance from the TNG, I see the beginning of the end for the TNG. By the way, Hosh, this morning, your brother-in-law and buddy, Qanyare, one of the most astute and the wiliest and the zaniest AND MOST OUTSPOKEN AND OUTRAGEOUS Ministers of the TNG called me to thank me for my passionate and public conditional support for the TNG splashed all over the world on the Banadir website. I have never known Qanyare to say: No comment! I have never known Qanyare to mince words; go ask the Darod and the BBC! Qanyare tells like it is and he doesn't know what politically correct means! In a nutshell, Qanyare's political philosophy which he had acquired in his salad days at the butcher shops of Wardeeglay is: WIXEE LA QARIYAA QURUN AA KU JIRO! WHATEVER IS CONCEALED CANKERS CONGEALS LIKE BLOOD AND THEN CURDLES THE BLOOD! I asked him: --Please, Qanyare, do tell me, what is keeping you and the TNG from being a hit and a resounding success in all of Somalia? I know and you know and the whole world knows how ripe and how ready and how passionate and how thirsty the Somali people are for peace. QANYARE: Togane, Abti, (Qanyere's mother is Wacaysle like me! ) let me level with you. The Somali people are ready for peace; the Somali people are ripe for peace; the Somali people are passionate for peace; the Somali people are thirsty for peace; but unfortunately, TNG is neither ready, nor ripe, nor passionate, nor thirsty for peace and reconciliation! Galayrd is busy 24 hours fending off the blows and the buffets and bluffs and the slings and the arrows of outrageous Ina Salad Boy; Ina Salad Boy is busy counting and considering and slobbering and smacking his thick Negro lips over all the loot and the loyalty of his Cayr agnates when he is not busy beating on the pinions and the opinions of Galayr; POOH-BAH is busy threatening all the time to shoot Galayr and his eager eagle on sight for trespassing on his turf, on his foreign affairs fiefdom. Needless to say, first and foremost TNG will have to sit down, negotiate truce among themselves and then peace and reconciliation among themselves before they can deliver Peace and Reconciliation to the poor and long-suffering Somali people. OBVIOUSLY PEACE LIKE CHARITY MUST BEGIN AT HOME! OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN'T GIVE WHAT YOU YOURSELF HAVEN'T GOT! LABA QAAWAN ISMA QAADO! TWO COLD NAKED NIGGERS CANNOT CARRY OR CUDDLE EACH OTHER! ---TOGANE: And what are you doing about the TNG situation? --- QANYARE: Abti, I am busy looking after number one, after myself! I am busy taking care of business! I don't have anytime for the silly squabbles of Boy, Galayr, and the Pooh-Bah! After all, I am a busy man! I am the minister of all the seas and all the fishes of all of Somalia! I AM THE MINISTER OF ALL THAT CREEP AND CRAWL IN THE SOMALI SEAS and under the Somali Seas! Can you imagine how many fishes there are out there in all of the Somali seas?! And Somalia has the longest and the richest coastline in the world! And as you know Somalis don't eat fish: that is why they are so stupid and dumb AND KILL AND CANNIBALIZE EACH OTHER WHEN THEY ARE NOT BUSY DESTROYING THEIR ENVIRONMENT MAKING THEIR HOMELAND INHOSPITABLE AND INHABITABLE! IF SOMALIS ATE FISH THEY WOULDN'T BE SO PERVERSE! SUCH SILLY PERVERTS WITH SO MANY COUNTLESS SECRETS---THAT IS WHY NURUDDIIN FARAH HAD SUCH A FIELD DAY WITH THEM IN HIS LAST NOVEL, APTLY ENTITLED, "SECRETS"! Every day I am busy trying to persuade STUPID STARVING Somalis to eat fish and become smart like the Somali JaaJi Darod and like the Japanese! You know how long it will take me to poison and kill all that fish happily swimming in Somali waters and pollute all those pristine and turquoise Somali seas?! Togane, I am telling you, I am one busy son of a bitch! I have no time or truck with all the silly antics of the TNG! I call it Tomorrow's National Government and remember in our BENIGHTED Somalia tomorrow never comes! My plate is full: I have enough fish to fry; I have enough troubled waters to fish in! My seamanship in the Somali political seas is turning out to be titanic! Go and see the film called THE TITANIC if you want to get a rough idea of where I and the TNG are taking the Somali people!